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[Fiction] Closer than Close to You
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Property_of_Yulia



: 24.12.2004
: 704
: Saudi Arabia

: 01, 2005 11:27 pm     : [Fiction] Closer than Close to You

hey guys...i've wrote this fiction and many ppl loved it...i'm not sure if you ppl here are interested but if you are please reply back...

P.S i read the rules of this forum and it has nothing against writing fictions...is there? :D (hope not)
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: Property_of_Yulia ( 28, 2006 8:50 pm), 22 ()
Property_of_Yulia



: 24.12.2004
: 704
: Saudi Arabia

: 02, 2005 12:03 am     :

Chapter One: A Night to Remember.

Here I amin a Hospitalwhere psychos are placedI am considered one of themand here`s how I ended here:
It started this wayI was having a small gather around in my backyardit was at midnightthe floor was clean and shinyyou could almost see the reflection of the moonthe trees were slow dancing with the windlike it knew that a marvelous moment would soon comeand Ia stone hearted person from the outsideand in contrast from the insideI wasn`t like this all my lifeI was this sensitive loving personlife taught me how to be stone heartedthere was Istanding and welcoming the guestsready to loosen up and have funwhen all of a suddena small figure appeareda girla girl I dreamed of my whole lifebut never thought would meet somedaythere she wasat the door.standingwaitingwaiting for me to welcome her inI did sowith a shock that was written all over my faceshe entered slowlylooking aroundscanning my house`s entranceher big blue eyes turned back to mewith a small smileand there it happenedour first contactshe said: `Hello!`I replied the samenow feeling my heart in my stomachI tried to brush the nervousness awaybut that wasn`t important nowshe turned to the other guestsand started to chit chat with some that she knewI went inside the crowd and started blending in as welleverybody was happy and having funexcept meI couldn`t feel anything or see anyone but hermy Yuliamy long awaited Yuliashe wasn`t all dreamy as most people would think she isinstead she`s the kind who speaks loudly and have a really goofy laughand would wave around her hands while talking with funny expressions on her face with every story she tellsbut stillI didn`t care about all thatthere was something magical about herI didn`t know what it wasand I didn`t careall I cared about is that the girl of my dreams was therestanding a few meters away from metime stoppedI couldn`t hear anyone but hermy friends keep asking me if I`m okbut I didn`t answerI wouldn`t let anyone interrupt the soft music of her voice that seduced my earsa while has passedone of my friends suggested to have a water balloon fightluckilyI bought somewe started filling the balloonsand everyone started to arm themselves with as much balloons as they could carrywe started to fool aroundwith everybody getting wet I tried to get closer to hermaybe faking an accident bumpthat was the only way I could feel her wet body against minethat didn`t happenevery time I tried to get closershe runs awaysoon all the balloons were finishedonly one was leftand it was in her handsshe walked slowly towards mewith a wicked grineverybody yelled for me to runbut I didn`tthis was the closest I could get to heryou might think this is weirdbut I had the honor of being touched by the same balloon that was once held by her handsI wanted her to hit meshe didthe balloon hit my faceI must say it was painfulpainfully sweetI reacted towards the hitit hurt me a bitconsidering it hit me on the faceso I bent a little and put my hands on my faceshe ran towards me in a hurry looking so worriedand thereshe touched my handshe pulled it away from my faceshe wanted to see what had happened to metime has stopped againI couldn`t feel anything except the soft palm of her hand touching the back of mineher long thin fingers wrapped around my index fingerher face was so close to mineshe took a deep lookI told her it was okI didn`t get hurtI couldn`t even remember getting hurtI was only worried that her soft hand would separate from mineand it didI wish I had continued my schemeI could act like I`m still hurtingin order to get more affection and care from herbut I couldn`t think or focus on anything at thenlater onwe stopped playing silly gameswe sat in a circleand started telling storiesplaying truth or dareas much as I wished for that bottle to stop in such a way that it would be between me and my Yuliabut I think I wished too muchit never happenedI couldn`t understand how could she not feel my obvious love for hereverybody didmaybe she did but did not showwhatever it wasI must find outthen everybody started talking to each otherand I just sat therelooking at herinhaling deep smoke into my lungsjust to calm downI wanted to run to her and hold her in my armsI wanted to feel her small figureI wanted to smell her hairto feel her soft skinto tell her how much I loved her and how many times I cried just by hearing her namehow many nights I stayed up dreaming of herwanting herI just kept daydreaming from a farwhile she was dancing and singing along with friendsshe seemed to have so much funI liked thatI liked watching her have funbut I hated watching her have fun with someone other than myselfI wondered if there`s someone in her lifeif that`s the reason why she was ignoring megetting away from me when we`re so close to a small conversationall I could take from her is the two words `Hello` and `are you ok?`and this magnificent feeling which made my heart singI was greedyI wanted moreI wanted to be everything to herjust like she is to methen I couldn`t take it anymoreI played a songand I past by her and told her that this song is for herthe lyrics said :

Am I sinful if love threw me at you?
Am I sinful if my fate was to live just for your eyes?
I keep thinking of you sleeplessly
While I`m the last person you can think of
And I wish you can feel my love instead of pitying me
How did you ever invade my life?
I`m so tired from loneliness
Your love is burning me and it sometimes feels unbearable just by thinking of you
Am I sinful if I say that my heart is sick of all this although I can`t stop loving you
My whole life is passing me by while you`re just sitting there and ignoring me
Please stop
Feel me
You`re being awfully cruel to me
It would be magic if your heart feels my love and cares about me like my sick heart cares for you
I`ve become a slave for your love
How did you ever invade my life?

after the song finishedI smiled at hershe just grinned and said that was sweet in a lowered voice so no one could hear with a pitied look in her eyesmy hopes were down nowI had nothing else to doI promised myself not to do anymore risky stuff like the song dedicationI just sat there hopelesslywatching the guests leave one by oneuntil there were only two or three of themand my lovely Yuliathere she was sitting aloneI couldn`t dare to talk to her or sit with her after what has happenedshe seemed like she was waiting for her rideI didn`t want her to goI didn`t mind not talking to her nowI just wanted her there for me to satisfy my sightmy packet of cigarettes soon has finishedso I got up to get anotherI past by herand an unexpected thing happenedshe stood up just as I was passing by hershe called my nameI stopped and looked at hershe walked towards meand she started walking with me towards the swimming pool where I had a bunch of cigarette packets for the guestsI grabbed oneand started to open itshe pulled it away from me and said : ` you should quit this stuffthis sh*t could kill youI`ve been watching you all night smoking one cigarette after anotherand I was bothered of how you were committing slow suicide` I lowered my eyes on the floorand I said : `so you were watching me all night?how did I not notice? It seemed like you were watching everyone BUT me` I had this sad look on my face trying to tell her that I didn`t buy what she just saidwe were silent for a momentthen she said : `is it me you are doing all this for? I don`t deserve itat least not after the way I treated you tonight` I replied to her and said : `you deserve more than you can imagine even if you slaughtered meI love you more than I love myselfI would give the world to you if I could` then I stopped and thought `Why did I say that?? What`s wrong with me?? I thought I promised myself not to do anymore risky stuff` but before I could continue scalding myselfshe said : `I came to the party for youI love you` and all of a suddentears started covering my eyesI couldn`t stop themI haven`t felt tears in my eyes for a long timeI told her that it was the first time in many years I feel hot burning tear drops against my cheekshe smiled at meshe took my hand and lead me inside my housewe got up the stairs to the living roomit was painted black with black & cream colored leather couches with a big wide screen and giant speakersboth of us sat on the same black leathered couchso close to her I can feel her spine and ribsI could feel her breasts pushing towards mineher face was so close to mine I could feel her breathwe started talking and avoiding each others` eyeswith every word she spoke I moved my face closer and closer and she did the samewe were so close to lip contactingI had this hunger for her lipsbutterflies started dancing in my stomachwe grew closer and closerthen the intercom went onimplying that my Yulia`s ride has arrivedI looked back at herand I saw this sad look on her faceshe said to me : `I must go now` I couldn`t move or stop herI watched her walk out the door and down the stairs towards the main doorI followed herI watched her move closer to the carshe blew me a kiss in the airI caught it with my hand and placed it in my heartshe smiled at thatI walked towards her and took off a ring I had on my index finger which I wore for a long timeI showed her what was carved on it.
Ю И А 4∞it meant : `Ю is ЮЛИЯ (Yulia) , A is my initial , 4∞ is forever`
I placed it on her index fingerand I kissed her handas she kissed my foreheadI slowly walked away backwards not taking my eyes away from herand she did the same while closing the door of the carshe took a last glance at me and waved good byeI watched the car slowly disappear in the distanceand then I had this sad feeling in my stomach I realized I didn`t have anyway to contact herit was overthat was the first and last time I would ever see herI started sobbing which burst into a loud cry on the street aloneI placed my hands on my face and sat on the street placing my back on my carthen I heard a friend of mine calling me from a distance inside the househe told me that they were playing the video that he took of the whole nightI quickly got up to my feetanxious to see my Yulia once againI ran towards the room where me and my Yulia used to be inbefore they played the videothey asked me if I got high tonightand I declined thatI asked them why? They said : ` see for yourself` the video started playingI watched myself at first smiling to no one at the house`s gatethen they forward it to where I was sitting and smoking a cigarette while staring at a wallthen again they forward it where we were playing with the water balloons and I looked like I was acting like I got hit with a water balloon then lift my head while looking towards the air and smilingit seemed like there wasn`t any Yuliahow could this be? I`m sure I was too busy to get highI could swear she was therewas I imagining? That can`t beshe seemed so realis there a Yulia?? Or was I so caught up in my thoughts and dreams of the girl I saw on TV.that I`ve gone madwhatever it wasall I can sayeven if it was an imaginationI loved itthough it broke my heart even morebut that was a night to remember!

To be continued
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: Property_of_Yulia ( 21, 2005 1:16 pm), 2 ()
necromantic_angel



: 27.12.2004
: 4010
: Manchester, England

: 02, 2005 2:37 am     :

sh... dude, f....
this is f...... romantic dude
reminds of me when i think about -------
man, hope this happens to me....
all i have to do is think really hard....really hard...
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Property_of_Yulia



: 24.12.2004
: 704
: Saudi Arabia

: 02, 2005 5:38 am     :

gosh emu are you always this negative?? (joking)
well take the time and try to read it...even better...i hear you made remixes for tatu and stuff...maybe the audio part is where you can step in and help out...i know it's long and looks boring...but just give it a try ;)
you won't regret it...
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necromantic_angel



: 27.12.2004
: 4010
: Manchester, England

: 02, 2005 8:25 am     :

speak up!!!
*clap,clap*
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Property_of_Yulia



: 24.12.2004
: 704
: Saudi Arabia

: 02, 2005 2:07 pm     :

Chapter Two: The Long Hunt.

I recovered quicklyor so I had to act well otherwise there wasn`t a way for me to get out of the HospitalI would act normal in front of peoplebut late at night when I stay in my roomthose visions and images would keep coming to meI didn`t think I was crazyI just know that I`m possessed by this force or spiritI couldn`t understand what it wasmaybe it`s destiny trying to show me where my missing part wasin the morningI went and told my parents that I wanted to finish my studies in Russiathey were shocked `Russia?? Why Russia??` that was my parents` responseI told them that I believed that Russia had a lot of science and technology that is not discovered yetI convinced them in a wayeverything was settledthe day where I got together with my Yulia grew closerI waited for two months to get readyit felt like two thousand yearsanywaythe day has comeI`m in the airportsaying good bye (or should I say farewell) to my parentsI got in the planethough it was a long flightI couldn`t fall asleepall the excitement and anticipation kept me awakeuntil the plane reached its destinationI got out of the planeand finished the airport workI had no clue where to go or what to doso I rode caband asked the driver to get me to M.S UniversityI went there and I asked for directionspeople there were very friendlyunlike what I read about Russians being so mean and all thatI got settled in an apartment near the universitythough the university`s dorms were more recommendedbut I wanted a place where I could come and go as I desireI spent my days at the university and later I went for Yulia huntingI couldn`t find anything about herI tried asking aroundbut everyone would just laugh at mefinally I thought up an ideaI painted a picture of my sweet Yulialaying on a cream color leathered couch wearing nothing except a transparent maroon clothwhich covered parts of herit was a big painting and probably the best painting I have ever doneI framed it with expensive golden frameand wrapped it up so it wouldn`t get ruined by timeI didn`t know how much time it would take me to find my YuliaI didn`t care actuallyone morning I went to the university and a friend of mine found out where Yulia used to live with her parentshe gave me the addressand I skipped all my classes and went back to my apartment to fetch the painting and then I hit the roadI went to the address specified in the small piece of paperI knocked on the doora womanan old version of my Yulia opened the doorthe woman had a confused look on her faceso I started talking and I said : `I have a delivery for Ms Yulia Volkova`she asked what it wasI told her it`s a painting from an artist who rejects telling her nameshe let me inand asked me how much the delivery service costI told her it was already paid forI again repeated that the painting is for Ms Yulia which meant that she`s the only person who`s meant to open itshe told me Ms Yulia was away workingI asked her when will she be backshe said on Tuesday she`ll be in Moscowand she added that Yulia doesn`t live here anymoreI asked her for the addressnow her mom was totally convinced that the painting is from a rich artist by telling from the costume and the DHL hat I was wearingshe was also convinced that it was important to be delivered to my Yuliashe gave me the address of Yulia`s new homeI took it and apologized for my disturbanceshe was nice and hoped the best for meand told me that I`d better be paid well from my boss for making me go through all this trouble to deliver the paintingI told her I was paid wellwhile a silent laugh burst inside meI said goodbye to the womanand left the houselater onTuesdaythe day my Yulia arrives to MoscowI waited two days afterjust to make sure she would be thereyou can never imagine how anxious I was the whole weeksoon ThursdayI went over to Yulia`s placeit was an apartmentI had to ask around because her apartment wasn`t easy to find like her parents` housefinallyI was thereat her front doorI rang the bellI waited for a few moments it felt like years were passing byI had this feeling in my stomachmy knees almost turned into jelloI heard footsteps coming closer to the doorI became more and more nervousthe footsteps stoppedas if the person behind it was looking through the door`s eye to see who it wasthen I heard the person saying : `Damn those interviewers!!!`then I waited a few more momentsand finally the person gave up and started unlocking the locks on the doorit was about two or three locksthen the door knob was twistedand the door openedand there she wasthis time I was sure it was her and not some other illusion I was seeingshe was standing there with a big question mark on her face and her head was a bit tilted to the right with her eyebrows lockedshe was wearing black tight shorts with a white sleeveless top and white bunny slippersshe was exactly how I saw her in my illusionssmall figure with tanned skin and big blue eyesexcept her hair was a bit longer than what I have imaginedI totally forgot what I wanted to sayso she gave me this lookI had to say somethingI cleared my throatand started talkingI said to her : `ehem, I have a delivery here forrr` I stopped and looked at a paper I was holding just to convince her that this was a delivery from DHLotherwise she wouldn`t accept itand then I continued : `Msss.Yulia Volkova?.did I get the name right??`she nodded to confirm thatshe said: `I`m Yuliawhat is it?`I told her it was a painting from a famous artist who rejects telling her nameshe replied: `oh I seeanother gift from a fan` I replied to her: `no believe me she`s not a fan`of course that wasn`t a lieit truly wasn`t from a fanit was from her soul mate she just didn`t know it `just like I saidit`s from an artist who loves painting beauty and sending it as a gift for those people who inspired her with their beauty`then that look on her face changed into amazementshe had a wide smile on her faceshe asked me to come inI walked slowly into the room carrying the heavy paintingshe helped me with itI placed it on her white couchshe quickly tore the wrapper without hesitationshe stopped and looked at the painting and was astonishedher eyes and mouth were wide openI stood far from her just to capture her image while she was looking at the paintingshe told me it was beautifulshe insisted on knowing who the painter wasof course I couldn`t tell herwhat are the risks if she finds out I made this whole play in order to get to hershe could either be happy to meet me (which I doubted) or she could get really angryso I sticked with my planI told her that I cannot reveal the identity of this artistand that someday this artist will decide to show upso I advised her to expect this artist any minuteshe started hopping up and down holding my arms with her handsher hands were strongI froze right there for a momentI felt this happiness and pleasure just by seeing how anxious she lookedI thought to myself `just like the way you made me feel anxious and made me wait all these yearsit`s your turn to feel what I felt or part of what I felt`I told her I had lots of deliveries to makeand I had to goshe had this disappointed look on her faceand as I reached her doorshe said : `promise me that this painter would soon show up`I replied : `I promise`I smiled to herand closed the dooron the other side of the doorI could hear her singing and jumping up and downI had this huge smile on my face which I couldn`t wipe away for a long timepeople passing by just stared at meI took a big inhale and let it outI felt like singing and dancing in the streetas funny as it soundsI returned to my apartment hopping like a rabbitit was funnybut it felt goodthat nightI couldn`t close my eyes and go to sleepI kept playing the scene in my head where she first took a look at the paintinghow she lookedhow she reactedhow beautiful she washow beautiful the moment wasmy alarm clock went on telling me it`s time for classI got out of bedand got ready for classwhen I first stepped into classthe doctor was still not there yetmy friend grabbed a seat beside meand asked me how it went yesterdayI told him everythinghe was happy with my semi-accomplishmentand wished me luck for the restthe doctor entered and the class startedI had two classes that dayafter I finished my classes.my friend offered me a ride homebut I just turned his request downI felt like walkingI had to think of a new ideamy first one was a successI had to come up with a new oneI had to make her fall in love with me from a distanceI wanted curiosity to eat up all her strength just to find meI wanted to confuse herI didn`t want it to be easy for herbecause as they say `easy come easy go` I didn`t want everything to vanish away just like nothing ever happenedthis had to be the story of my lifeso I walked for a long timeuntilI had this ideaI could paint another painting of her with that look on her face when she first saw the painting of herwith all the detailsI could still remember everything in her apartmentespecially her reactionhow could I forget??.I quickly searched for a nearby stationaryand bought a large canvas and new Raphael paint brushes (I chose the best equipment for my Yulia)the Raphael brushes were too expensive but the best because they were made from real wild boar hairI quickly returned homeand started to draw with my Steadler pencils the outline of the paintingI knew that this would take me a long timebut I worked on it day and nightand when I finished itit was perfectall the details in her apartmentwhat she was wearinghow her hair wasit was just perfectI decided later on to pay my Yulia another visitbut this timeI`ll leave the painting on her doorstepbecause she would know after seeing the painting that it was I (the mysterious painter) who delivered itI didn`t want her to know me or recognize meI want to be more and more mysterious to herand I crossed my fingers that this second plan would be a success just like the first oneI felt bad for not seeing her reaction when she sees the second paintingbut you can`t have everythingso I went to the same address which I went beforeand quickly put the painting on her doorstep and rang the bellI hid behind the stairs where only I could see herthe door was openshe seemed like she was going outshe was all dressed upshe reached for the painting with a big smileshe knew what it wasshe seemed to be gladshe took it insideI waited a few momentsand when I was just about to leavethe door opened againshe stuck her head out and started searching the area for anyonethen she stood still in order to hear any soundsa voice came behind meI jumped but was still invisible to hera couple were moving up the stairsher attention was on the stairs nowI hid wellshe couldn`t see methen the couple reached her floorand she saw themand gave a big sighshe went back in and closed the doorI wasn`t sure if I should call my second plan a successI just went homeI didn`t feel like I have accomplished a thingso I had to think harderI started walking homeI looked at the ring that I once dreamt I gave to herand took it off my fingerI stared at the carvings on itI had a small grin on my faceI passed by some mini marketsI stopped to buy a packet of cigarettesand then I saw a magazine with a picture of my Yulia on the front pageI bought the magazinethough I didn`t speak Russian that wellI quickly went homeand took out my English-Russian dictionaryit took me all night just to translate what was written about herwhat I understood is that there was a press conference soon to be made in some famous place in Moscow by Yuliafollowed by some picture taking and autograph signing with the fansthen at that moment another idea had hit meI said to myself `it`s time for me to deliver this ring I`ve been wearing for so long` .after 6 days from delivering the second paintingI was getting ready to go to the press conferenceI got ready to meet my YuliaI wore all blackwith the DHL black hatso to grab her attentionbecause I knew there would be tons of people thereI asked my friend to give me a lifthe did sowe reached our destinationI got out of the car and told my friend not to wait up for me because I didn`t know how long this would takehe smiled at me and wished me luckI was so nervousthough I`ve seen her two times alreadyit always felt like it`s the first timeI went insidethey wouldn`t let me in the conference roomI had to be a reporterso I waited outside along with other fans of YuliaI started looking at all the people around meI felt worriedwhat if I miscalculated all this and had too much confidence in this operation that if it doesn`t workI could end up mad againI shook the thought awayI waited for very long hoursthough it was coldI was sweating heavilyand then finally, a guy came out of the conference room declaring that now it`s time for Yulia to get together with her fanseverybody started screaming and some were actually cryingpeople were pushing each other everywhereI got squeezed inside the crowdbut I didn`t take my eyes away from the door where Yulia was supposed to appear inI tried to push myself closerin order not to miss her when she gathers with the fanssome fans get lucky and get a picture or autograph and some are unlucky and just miss Yulia while trying to push inside the crowdand thenthere she wasshe was walking towards the crowded fansI felt more and more nervousI pushed myself harder and harder towards hershe started taking pictures and signing autographsevery time I get closer to her the crowd pushes me backI tried to yell her name out loudbut there were too many people doing the sameshe couldn`t hear meI tried to push harder and harderI started pushing people and accidentally stepping on some othersnothing would stop meI just couldn`t afford a failed operationI didn`t come all this way and waited this long just to failI pushed harder and harderthen all of a sudden I was between a crowd of fans who made it easier for me to move closerthey started pushing me towards my YuliaI could see her lift her headand take a quick glance at me and then turn to another fanthen she turns back and realizes the DHL hather eyes grew wide nowI smiled at herI was the only smiling person between all the pushing fanswithout any effort I was coming closer to herthanks to the pushing fansshe kept her gaze locked at meshe ignored other fansshe waited for me to come closerand there I wasstanding beside hernothing would stop me nowI quickly took the ring off of my fingerand placed it on hersI quickly kissed her hand just like in my visionand quickly disappeared in the crowdshe tried to reach for mebut I was fasterthen a man came and asked her who I wasshe just shook her head implying that she had no clueshe went back into signing autographs and taking pictures with fansbut she just kept looking at me every chance she gotI stood from a farjust watching her and smilingshe then waved her hands to me in order to tell me to wait for her and not goand of coursethe ball was in my court nowI planned on doing the oppositethe same man that talked to her a few moments ago came back to her and told her it was time to leaveshe started telling him something which I couldn`t translate from a farand then a few muscle-built men came and cleared the way for herinstead of clearing the way towards the exitthey cleared the way for her towards meI quickly had to run awayI saw how the men had a hard time making way for herso I took the chance and quickly moved towards the other exitshe started patting on one of the men to hurry up and she started pointing at meI quickly disappearedI faked a run away towards the exitand went to the second floorI could watch her from up there where she couldn`t see mefinally she reached where I was standingbut there was no sign of meshe started looking aroundbut couldn`t find meI felt guilty for acting the way I didbut that was too late nowa middle aged man came and grabbed my Yulia with great force from her armand started yelling at her and scalding her(I felt like jumping to the first floor and beating up the guybut that was impossible)he lead her towards the exit and I could barely see them nowI saw him pushing her hard inside the limo and then it pulled awayI couldn`t chase away the image of the that guy grabbing and shoving her in the limoI felt like a complete failurehow can I call myself her soul mate when I can`t even protect her?how could I leave that cruel man treat her like that? Didn`t he know who she was? Didn`t he know she was the owner of my heart? I felt terribleI went home feeling so angryI had to do something about itis this how he treats her all the time?what if she`s treated badly like this away from the media`s eyes? Away from MY eyesthis timeI had to find a way to stay close to her all the timeto see how she really lives her lifeif she was REALLY happy

To be continued
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necromantic_angel



: 27.12.2004
: 4010
: Manchester, England

: 02, 2005 6:38 pm     :

let me guess...
that person isn't "imagining" the whole thing right?
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necromantic_angel



: 27.12.2004
: 4010
: Manchester, England

: 03, 2005 12:17 am     :

I don't think "If You're Not the One" coz there's a song called "If You're Not the One" by Daniel Bedingfield. Try to play with it a bit a come up with something more unique. Well that's juzt my opinion anyweiz...

Re:Emu, can I post yer song sometime in my website. It's not done yet so i can't give you the url. Actually it was done but my host deleted my account because of a "porn" picture that's actually not(it's a shot from "Ya Soshla S Ma". But nyweiz, can I? My future site has creative commons license in it and i can copyright your song for you. Can I? Please? Thank you...
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mysteryblackkat13



: 04.12.2004
: 299
: Fl, USA

: 03, 2005 2:24 am     :

how many chapters do u plan to do?
it's really good so far.
i've been printing it out and reading it any time possible.
finally something to fill my time.
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Property_of_Yulia



: 24.12.2004
: 704
: Saudi Arabia

: 03, 2005 9:40 am     :

first...the first chapter was a vision that happened to the person who's telling the story (which is a fan) you can put urself in this person's place as if you're the one telling the story...it works...

second...it's a 43 chapter-fiction...i know it's long...but u'll have all kinds of physical exercise with your seat for example...sticking to it, or falling off of it...(joking)...
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: Property_of_Yulia ( 09, 2005 3:47 pm), 1
necromantic_angel



: 27.12.2004
: 4010
: Manchester, England

: 03, 2005 3:22 pm     :

if my site ever getz done, could i put up this thing there? coz it's like so awesome. If i were that person in the story, i'd be really thankful i can have visions like that...
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: 04.12.2004
: 299
: Fl, USA

: 03, 2005 3:29 pm     :

actually for most of the fan fic's i've read 43 chapters is pretty short esecially for such a good beginning.
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: 01.09.2004
: 1346

: 03, 2005 4:56 pm     :

Right-on, property_of_yulia... Now that's some fan-creativity for ya (not that I'm dissing anybody else here. This one is just so good)...

BTW, what about illustrations. Can any of you, masters of pencil/pen/crayon/brush/mouse make some illustrations for this ...hm-m-m-m-m... novel I gues?

Anyway - again thanks for the great job you're doing, and hope to see the remainder of it soon (don't hurry to much though, it would be kind'a tough to swallow the whole thing in one sitting ;-) )


: ( 09, 2005 5:49 am), 1
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Emu



: 22.10.2004
: 17

: 03, 2005 7:28 pm     :

Orininal post was silly - so I replaced it with a poem:

'To Begin' - adapted from poem 'Ode to Mir' (1986) by Keith Gottschalk


Here, no angels sing
Nor laments from the pipes of fates
Nor winged cherubim
Nor seraphim that hover over a god's throne

Here are only Yuri and faith
Here are only the song of antennae
Wingnuts seeking quorum of thread
Circuits who commune with quantums

Here, we cast off umbilicals
Magellans of the 92 minutes
Construct a kite of cabins
A flock of tetrahedrons

Here, chaos of airhoses & seals
The hatching of crew
Motherboards, software, templates
Our learning curve is ballistic
Here we calibrate where curiosity leads
Now to begin!


A tribute to Yuri Gagarin ...


: Emu ( 07, 2005 9:40 pm), 3 ()
necromantic_angel



: 27.12.2004
: 4010
: Manchester, England

: 04, 2005 12:23 pm     :

how'd find it?
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necromantic_angel



: 27.12.2004
: 4010
: Manchester, England

: 04, 2005 12:36 pm     :

wait a second, isn't that the whole story out there..?!!
so there's no need for me to wait...
yay...thankz emu....yer da man!!!
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: 24.12.2004
: 704
: Saudi Arabia

: 04, 2005 1:06 pm     :

well as for the fiction, it's not yet finished...but personally i think like what TNXNN said...it's better to take one chapter at a time...u know for ur own satisfaction...
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: Property_of_Yulia ( 09, 2005 3:51 pm), 1
Property_of_Yulia



: 24.12.2004
: 704
: Saudi Arabia

: 04, 2005 3:09 pm     :

Chapter Three: Make a Difference.

That nightI couldn`t fall asleepI kept tossing and turning in my bedI craved for the sun to come upat that nightI felt more in love with my Yulia then I have ever beenI felt like if I couldn`t reach her as soon as possibleI would just dieafter a long night of waiting and thinkingthe sun had mercy on me and decided to come upI thought that would heal my hurtsit didn`tI still had the achingI still had the angerI didn`t feel like getting out of bedI remained almost half the other day in bedone cigarette after another.every cigarette I watched burning seems almost like how my heart did the night beforeI went out for a walkmaybe an idea would soon hit meit never happenedjust before I reached my homeI spotted a magazine which had a small photo of my Yulia with some Russian words written beneath itI quickly bought it and translated itwhat I understood from it is that my lovely Yulia was invited to a talk showbut at the last minute the show was cancelled due to some troubles between her and her companyI wondered if last night had to do anything with the show being cancelledthat killed me even more by just thinking about it this wayI felt like faintingbecause I didn`t sleep at all the night before nor have a single bite todayI sat on my bedjust feeling hopelesshow could I let such beauty be exposed to such crueltyI had to think of a way to get her out of the control of this mean manthe only thing I could come up withis to somehow let her fall in love and run away with me from this shattered worldinto freedomthe idea was easy to think ofbut the hardest and almost impossible part is making her fall in love with meafter allto herI`m just another obsessed fanhow could she know about my love for herwhat I carried for her inside my heartwhat I would do for herwhat I feel for her cannot be explained by wordsso how can I make her understand? So noI had to think of something elseI couldn`t think of anythingso I tried to just go on with my dayand let the ideas come to meso I got up to the bathroom then I made myself a nice fresh cup of coffee and had a Davidoff lights cigarette along with itI went down to the university to start my classesI entered the first classthe doctor thought I was sickbecause I am an `A` student and would always get the answers rightbut not this timeI just kept quiet in class.my friend noticed thatso after class I had a two hour break until the nextmy friend just skipped his class to sit down and talk to mehe asked me what had happened last nightI said to him : `the plan went wellshe noticed the capand I placed the ring on her fingershe was totally siked and was looking for me everywhere` and then I went silenthe replied : `greatthen why do I have a feeling there`s more to this storybecause you don`t seem to look fine todayyou`re just not yourself!!`I said : `well lets just say I got her into a bit of trouble by doing what I did last night`then I felt that ache come back to me againI told him what had happened with the body guardsand when I reached the part where that middle-aged man was violent to herI already had a tear slide on my cheekwe went into a moment of silenceand then I continued saying : `a guy just came out of nowhere and grabbed her forcedly from her arm and shoved her in a limo while yelling at her and last night I read an article implying that there was supposed to be a program featuring Yuliabut it was cancelled due to some trouble between her and her companyI think what I did caused her that trouble!!` I looked up at him and he had this funny look on his face with one eyebrow upand he said : `so?.that`s what is making you miserable all day?` to everyonewhat he said was logicalto me it was an accusationhow could he insult my love for Yulia?.doesn`t he know what loving a person means?.it means to care for this person in good and badto not be able to sleep knowing this person is a LITTLE upsetto not be able to eat at all when knowing that this person didn`t eat or maybe ate but didn`t have what they desiredto loose every taste in all the pleasures in life by just seeing sadness in your love`s eyeslove is not about just walking around saying I love this person and that`s itlove is more than thatI replied back in a bit of anger : `are you making fun of me?.did all what happened to her because of me seems meaningless to you? All these months of us being best friendsyou still don`t know how much I love her?` he apologized (being a good friend that he is)and said : `I just don`t think it`s that terribleand I think your just exaggerating`at then I knew that no one in this world would understand what I`m going throughso there`s no need to argue in this issue anymore and lose my best friendI knew then that I was alone in this missionso I told him it`s ok and to just forget about itI continued my other classes and then sat outside the university`s gates thinking while my mind was on emptyI thought of going to her apartment and being honest with herbut that was just too riskyafter the trouble I caused her last nightwhat should I say to her?..`Yo, Yules! I have my love to offer you!!`??that was crazyof course after all the time she has been dealing with two-faced people in this show businesswhy wouldn`t I be like them?.I must find a way to let her know that I could be the only person who would truly selflessly love herso my mind went on empty againI thought of many things to dolike sending her apology notes or leaving a message on her answering machine telling her how sorry I was and that I would never harm her againbut then again I thought maybe she`s not angry with memaybe she`s angry with her company being so bossy and controllingmaybe she doesn`t think I`m the reason for the hard time the company is giving hermaybe she isn`t wasting her time thinking of me at all!!! (as I hopefully wish she does)so apologizing didn`t sound like a good idealater on at home, I thought maybe having a bite and filling my body`s needs, would help me come up with something to feed my soul`s needsI fixed myself my all time favorite salmon sandwich with grape fruit juice while watching TVI saw a program which featured my Yulia liveshe wasn`t the one interviewed but it had her featured in the show to sing three of her famous songsI was so happy she was back in shapebut what I saw and heard was not what I expectedshe didn`t have that same excitement as she did in all the live shows I saw her featured inher singing was off tone and sounded like a small child trying to memorize a school poetryI was shockedand thought to myself `my god what have I done?`that was a sign that she`s still having trouble with her companyand that`s ruining her life`s dreamI wouldn`t let anything be a burden between my Yulia and her dreamher happinessif my death would cause her happiness and pleasure I would proudly take my life for herI couldn`t wait no moreI couldn`t waste more timeso I thought hardand I remembered when I was youngerthere used to be a cartoon for children named `Sally`it was about this beautiful poor girl in a private girls` school where she worked as a maidher Indian neighbor kept sneaking into her room and leaving flowers and candlelight dinners and just remained watching her from the window and protecting her from a faruntil she finally knew who he was and truly understood his love and fell in love with him and married himthat`s the best idea I could think ofI went home as quick as possibleand tried to think of a nice small romantic love letter to include with her favorite roses I was to leave on her bed the next dayso I came up with :

This is not you
This is not your smile
This not the warmth of your eyes
This is not the softness and delicacy of your words
This is not your excitement for life
Imagine that you`re in front of my eyes
And almost at the reach of my hands
And I couldn`t recognize you anymore
Your eyes seems cold and emotionless
Please smile and laugh like I used to see you do
Don`t be afraid to do so
Because I`m right here with you
I was never used to seeing you this uptight and miserable
When I used to hear you sing
You would melt into the words you`re singing
Before I ever did
This is not you
So please don`t be afraid
Because I`m right here with you!

Then I folded the piece of paper and put it inside my bag in order for me not to forget it when I got out the next day(how silly of me thinking this wayme? Forget something concerning my Yulia? Impossible)but I did it anyways to be more cautiousno mistakes nowno more

To be continued
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Property_of_Yulia



: 24.12.2004
: 704
: Saudi Arabia

: 04, 2005 3:29 pm     :

Chapter Four: The Big Day.

I woke up the very next dayit was the weekendI went to the bathroom and then it was time to get ready for my big dayI had this mission-impossible mood so I had to dress and act in that moodso I put on my black jeans with a long sleeved shirtI searched for a black cap to go with my clothes but couldn`t find except the DHL onethat was too suspiciousso my second choice was a black bandanaI was careful not to appear in public with my hair and casual lookbecause if she accidentally saw me she would recognize me anywhere anytimeas I saidI`m an artistI`ve drawn and painted many portraits of people with different stylesso I kind of have a background of how to confuse a person with changing my looklater I had a fresh cup of coffee along with a cigarette (my usual opening for a new day)I took my bag and jacketand went off to the streets of MoscowI went to a flower shopand bought her a big beautiful bouquet of red roses with beige cloth wrapping and straw strings to hold the roses and wrapper togetherafter thatI was off to my love`s apartmentI was careful so no body would see me around the building where her apartment was locatedI snuck from the backI counted the windows and floors in order to reach the right windowI wanted to do this rightI don`t expect to miscalculate where her window is and accidentally place the roses in the wrong apartmentthat was out of my leagueI am smarter than to commit such a mistakeI am in lovewhen I was sure I had the right windowI waited outside in a bus stop that was near the buildingI had to wait to make sure she`s not in the buildingI thought of holding a newspaper up to my facebut that was too suspiciousnow come onhave you ever seen a teenager holding a newspaper????.so I thought of something elseI wore a navy blue cap and jacketwhich by the way I put in my bag for emergencies like this one.the whole purpose of my trip to Russia is to find my long lost loveso anywaysI pulled the cap a bit to the front so I would look like a sleepy person waiting for the busalso so she wouldn`t notice me if her eyes ever dropped on mejust in caseanywaysI started watching the building`s main door from under the capI waited for approximately an hourI was sweating a lot though the weather was freezing coldone bus past after anotherI waited longer and longershe didn`t seem like she was getting out of the building at allI thought to myself `damn itit`s the weekendit`s resting from workwhy didn`t I think of that`I was so concerned about the details that I forgot the obvious stuffjust as I was about to leaveI saw her in the corner of my eyesshe didn`t look wellshe was wearing a pink top along with light blue jeans and white slippersher hair was pulled to the backwith big black shades on her eyes and she was carrying a funny looking bagshe looked like she`s out to buy groceries or meeting a close friendthat`s what I assumedanywaysshe was walking towards the bus stopI tried to give her my backbut that wasn`t necessaryshe seemed to have a lot on her mindshe just passed by without noticing that there was a human being standing therethat hurt me a bither not noticing mebut I thought to myself `someday my lovemy existence will make a big difference to yousomeday`so I waited until she disappeared in the streets aboveand I slowly walked towards the buildingI went to the backI climbed the fire emergency stairsand luckilyher window was so near the stairs I could sneak without the fear of falling off the stairsI looked through her window for a few momentsnobody seemed to be thereI tried lifting the windowluckily she left the window unlockedit was a bit stuckI put some force on itand it was openedI quickly sneaked inside making sure nobody was watching meI was inI was shocked of how the room was messed upI wasn`t sure I was in the right apartmentI searched for cluesand I found a framed picture of her and the older version of her who is obviously her mothershe had her arms wrapped around her momI smiled when I saw how happy she lookedI wished if I were her momI almost lost myself in my thoughts by just glancing at the photoI quickly reminded myself that I had no time to daydreamso I searched for a spot on her bed where I could place the rosesbut her bed wasn`t tidy and the pillows were everywhereso I thought it would be nice to tidy up her bed and save her all the trouble of doing soI placed the pillows on a chair nearby and quickly tidied her cover and fluffed and placed the pillows on her bedI placed the roses on her bed as a final touchand placed my love letter between the rosesI searched for a stuffed toy to put on her bedI found a burned-brown colored teddy bear on the floorI placed it beside the roses and my love letterI smiled at the thought of her coming inside the room and finding what I left for herI pictured her smiling and I thought that might ruin a bad day for herI quickly sneaked out and closed the windowand checked the area if there was anyone therebut fortunately there was an old building which I think is deserted that covered the building I was in from the main streetI could stay a week here without anybody noticing meI waited outside her windowwaiting for her to come inshe didn`t take too longI could see her walk in the roomshe threw her funny looking bag on the floor and kicked her slippers offnot noticing the bedthen she turned and finally noticed itshe froze in her placeand she quickly ran out of the roomI could almost see her checking the apartment for anyoneI was afraid she`d call the policebut she didn`tshe quickly returned to her room and sat on the bedher beautiful blue wide eyes grew widerI felt like the doors of heaven opened up for me when she smiled at the rosesI finally saw her lovely dimplesit`s been a while since the last time I saw her smile that wayshe grabbed the roses and started smelling themmy love letter dropped on the bedshe was aware of itso she set the roses asideand reached for the lettershe quickly unfolded itand started reading itI think she had a hard time reading it because I wrote it in Englishafter she finished readingat the beginning her eyebrows were locked while reading my love letterI was worried she was botheredthen she relieved me with a wide smile but a quick onesoon her heavenly smile faded and her eyes quickly glanced at the painting that was hanging on her wallI didn`t realize she hung my first painting in her roomso I understood from her behavior that she knew it was methe mysterious paintershe seemed to check everywhere in the apartmentI could also barely see her recheck the locks of her door if they were brokenbut they seemed okfortunately she forgot to check the windowI wanted to stay longer and watch herbut it seemed too risky nowwhat if she decided to check the window at the last minuteso I had to leaveI waited for her to get out of her roomand I quickly but quietly walk down the fire emergency stairsoff to the bus stopand away from the areaas I was riding the busI couldn`t help but smiling all the timeeverybody was staringbut I didn`t care at allthis plan was successfulthat look on her face and that gorgeous smile of hers was worth the trouble and even moreI got out of the busI started walking until I reached a safe area away from her homeI started laughing and screaming in happinessthis was goodthis felt really goodI felt a semi-satisfaction which seemed to be a big deal for me for the past few daysas I reached my apartmentI felt like drawing her this time for myselfI picked a photo of her out of my photo collection of her in my laptop.it was with pencil colorsit was really niceher eyes seemed to be the best part of the drawingI wasn`t planning on giving it to herthis one was for me to hang in my roomI kept staring at the drawing on the wall the whole nightthinking of my next planthe next one is to leave a candlelight dinner in her roomso I had to really think of a way to sneak a whole table with plates and maybe a whole silver wareit had to be the expensive kind for my Yuliaalso I wanted it to be on a weekdaywhere she would come home from work and find that dinner has been served for herthe thought of it made me smileit was time to get some sleep nowtomorrow is the last day in the weekendso I had to work on some home works and projects for the university
I woke up the next morningI had my usual sandwich and grape fruit juiceand I started working on a report in one of the labs I was working in the universityit had to be done on Mondayso I thought I would finish it sooner so I could concentrate on the candlelight dinnerI finished writing the reportthen I started to think of some personal stuff about YuliaI started to think about the people she datedhow they looked like? How they were? Then I started to think about if she had ever been in lovewho is this person? And what happened between them? I prayed that she never didI wanted to be the one and only person she falls in love withas hard as it soundedI was willing to try to be that personanywaysI spent the whole day thinking about herI wanted to see her againit was late at nightso I decided to go over to her apartment and watch her sleep all night from her windowso I put on some clothes on and went to her apartmentI sneaked to the back of the buildingand looked through her windowI wondered if she would mind me invading her privacy by peaking from her windowI just kept watching her roomshe wasn`t thereI could almost see a light flashing from the living roomit seemed like she was watching TVI kept watching the light flashingI waited for it to go offas bad as I wanted to have a cigaretteI couldn`tbecause the cigarette flame would make me more visibleshe could walk into her room anytime nowand I didn`t want her to know I was there watching herso I just waited and waiteduntil the flashing light went offI saw her pass to the other side of her apartmentwhere she was standing now was out of the range of my visionI wondered what she was doingI waited for a short momentand then she entered her roomshe went to the closetand she got out some more coversthe weather was freezing outsideso I think she needed that extra blanketshe placed it on the bedand walked out of the room againshe was absent for a whileand then she came back with some food on a plastic plateshe was moving towards the windowmy eyes widenedand I thought to myself `is that food for me? Could she have noticed me? Oh, god I`m in big trouble` I quickly hid behind the emergency stairsit was dark so I hoped for her not to see meI stood quietly thereas she opened the windowshe took a glance outsidethe weather was too coldso she pulled her shirts collar up to her cheeksthen she started saying some Russian words I couldn`t understandbut from the way she was saying itI figured out she was calling some cats or so to come get their mealI felt a big reliefshe was so sweet putting out food for the catsthen a cat jumped near the window and started eating while another came and anothershe started playing with one of the cats furand just watched them with a small grin on her facethen she stood back and closed the windowand walked outside the room againI didn`t want to move closer to the window yetI didn`t want the cats to notice me and run awayI thought maybe she`ll come back to check on themI waited for them to finish their mealfinally they ate all the foodall of the cats went back to where they came fromjust one annoying cat was leftit started licking her hand and wiping her faceshe just stood thereI thought to myself `damn cat.move away nowgo!` but the cat just sat thereI searched in my pockets for something I could move her away withI found a pencil sharpenerI started waving it for herthe cat noticed my handsthen I threw it awaythe cat quickly jumped and ran towards the sharpenergreatnow it was away from the windowI moved slowly up to her windowI looked insideshe was already laying in her bed getting ready to sleepI watched her in bed fluffing the pillowsthen she lay her head on themshe pulled both covers up to her shouldersand I watched her sleepshe looked so peacefulI watched the covers go up and down with every breath she tookI watched her face pushed inside the pillowI envied the pillowthe coversthe sheetseven the air beneath her sheetsI just sat there watching heruntil I was sure she was asleepI finally lit a cigaretteit felt good after waiting all this timeI took a big inhale after anotherand just kept watching her beautythis girl amused meevery time I see hershe seems more beautiful than the last time I didbut this sleeping beauty I was seeing right nowI don`t think anything can beat thatI started to wonderdoesn`t she get sick of going to bed alone every night? What if she started dating someone? What will that do to meI had to make myself more visible nowI must let her notice me morebut nowI just left all that to think about laterI just wanted to watch her sleepshe stayed quiet for a whilethen she had these expressions on her faceI realized she was dreamingI was glad that I was here tonight to watch all thisto watch her sleep and dreamI wished if I were one of the people who she dated and watched her sleep every nightI wondered how it felt lying beside her in her bedholding her closeI wondered if she liked or hated to be held while asleepI wanted to know everythingI wanted to feel everything with herI wanted to see her all the timehow she eatshow she drinkshow she watches TVeverythingsunrise was soon to comeso I decided to leave her a note under her doorI went to her apartment`s doorand I wrote `I love you so much` on it and signed it by `yours forever, the DHL worker`and folded it oncethen placed it under her doorthen I left the building and just went straight homealthough the weather was freezing and I felt like getting sickbut just watching her sleepit was worth getting sickthe next morning I couldn`t get to classI had a deep coldI stayed in bed the whole daybut stillthat nightI returned to her room`s window and watched her sleep againit felt terrible sitting in the cold outside her room while being sickbut once I saw herI was cured for a short whileI kept returning every single nightI decided not to do that for one of the nightsso I could wake up early and go on with my plan for the candlelight dinnerthat nightI felt like a drug addict craving for morphineI was addicted to watching her sleep every nightI was somehow able to go to sleepI woke up the next morning and went to go buy some stuff for the big nightI roamed around the shopsI bought a whole set of silver waretwo crystal glassestwo Chinese platesand silver chandeliersI also bought some silver plates to place the food inthen I went to a gift shop and bought four white candleslater I went hunting for white table clothI found one which was decorated with golden strings on the edgeslater I went to look for a medium sized tablewhich can be folded and was easy to carrythat was the hard partbut I finally was able to find oneI bought itthe stuff cost a lotbut I didn`t careI could always call my parents and ask them to send me more moneyI went home and put the stuff in the living roomthen I left to go out againI went to the supermarketI knew that her favorite meal was spaghettiso I bought all the ingredients I neededI also bought something to keep the food hotI went homeI couldn`t wait until next day to go on with my planI wanted to do it that nightbut I reckoned she is already on her way homeso that didn`t give me more time to get everything readyso I had to wait for the next day

To be continued
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: 24.12.2004
: 704
: Saudi Arabia

: 04, 2005 3:52 pm     :

Chapter Five: Dinner Has Been Served.

I woke up the next morningit was a big dayI woke up singingI felt so happyI`ve already packed everything from last nightI put my best on cooking the spaghettiI used some ketchup along with the tomato sauce to give it a bit of sweetnessI put it inside something to save the heatI placed some mozzarella cheese in a plastic bagpacked some wine I bought for her last nightI don`t drink at allso I had the shopkeeper to help me choose the best red winethen I went off to her apartmentI knew at this time of day she would be at workshe came home lateso that gave me time to do everything patientlyI sneaked to her room as usualbut this time it was harder because I had a lot of stuff to carry and sneak from the windowI went insidefirstI unfolded the tablethen I placed the white table cloth on itand I started decorating the table with the chandeliers and candlesI placed the two plates on each side of the tableI opened my silver wareand took two forks, spoons and knivesjust twofor me and herthen I placed the silver plate in the middleI took the food out of its container and placed it on the plateI put some of the mozzarella cheese on the topand covered it with a silver cover that came with the silver platethen I reached for the two crystal glasses and placed them near each plateI took out the red wine and placed it inside some ice I was able to carry with me too on the edge of the table.I took out my lighterand I lit the four white candlesthen I left a note on the plate I was suppose to eat inI looked at my watchit was time for her to come homeit was almost darkso I went out of the window again and closed it behind meand waited for her to come homeapproximately seven minutes have pastshe entered the apartmentshe seemed to be really tiredher face was all paleshe was wearing a dark blue suitwith a white shirt tucked inside the trousers along with black shiny leathered shoes and a black fur coatshe took off her coatand hung it on the wallshe went to the kitchen as I assumed and came back to the living room with a big bag of chips and a Pepsi canI could see a light flashing like the one I saw some nights beforeI had to do something to make her go to her roomso I reached for a tree branchI pulled it and cut it offI opened her window slowlyand started to reach for something on her dresser with the branch to fall and make some noiseI was successful at thatI quickly pulled the branch back and slowly closed the windowshe quickly came to her room after hearing the noiseand she saw the dinner tableher eyes shined like the candles on the tableher mouth just lay there wide openshe placed her hands on her mouthand just stood there for a short whilethen she walked to the tableshe sat on the bedand then she opened the silver cover and saw the spaghetti dish I cooked for hershe started to laugh in griefshe started to scan her roomwaiting for someone to appearbut there was no onethen she turned her attention back to the tableshe started to place some food on her platethen she realized there was another plate and crystal glass on the tableimplying that the dinner was for twoshe noticed my notshe unfolded it and started reading itwhat I wrote in the note was :

I hope you enjoy your meal after a long day of workI wish I could be with you tonightbut I can`tjust imagine if I was here with youbecause I am always
Enjoy
Yours 4∞,
Tibra

I could see her pronouncing my name `Tibra` again and againYes that is my namemy second name actuallyshe then opened up the red wineand pore some in her glassthen something humorous happenedshe pore some in my glass and made a small collision between both our glassesshe laughed at what she just didshe took a long sip of the red wineand started eating her dinnershe had a big smile now on her faceI understood that she liked the spaghettishe kept smiling and staring at the candlesshe took one bite after the otheruntil she finished her plateshe seemed to be really hungryso she reached to put more food on her platethen she pored more wine in her glassafter she finished her mealshe reached for my glassand took out a golden boxshe opened it and took one cigarette outshe lit it and started inhaling some smoke along with the red wine from my glassI was shockedmy Yulia smoking?.I felt hurtshe seemed to have a really hard time at workI wanted to take all the bad things in her life and throw them awayshe turned her attention back at the chandeliers againshe smile againshe rested back at her bedsome wine spilled on her bed sheetshe quickly stood up and got some soda from the kitchenshe tried wiping it awaybut little stains remained on the sheetshe just left it and continued her cigarette and wineI watched her place the cigarette between her lipssucking some smokethen pulling the lucky cigarette awayinhaling some smoke to her longsshaping her lips into an `O` while releasing the smoke in a straight linethe glass soon got empty and the cigarette was outshe got up and started to take the plates and glasses to the kitchenthen she came back and started to tidy the dinner tableshe set the stuff asideand went to living room to watch TVI thought she would spend a long time watching TVso I took a chance to treat myself with a cigarette as wellI reached for my lighterI couldn`t find itI searched everywherebut still nothingthen I looked back at her roomand I saw the lighter lying on her dresserI wanted to go inside and get itbut I thought maybe I should wait for her to go to sleep and quietly sneak inside and get itthen she entered her room again to reach for her golden cigarette boxand she noticed my silver lightershe held it in her handshow I envied my lighterwith her long beautiful fingers wrapped around itand her beautiful eyes staring at it with a smileI realized she had noticed the carves on itit had the same carves on the ring I gave her which I noticed she was still wearingshe took off the ring and started comparing the writings on bothshe smiled and put back the ring on her fingershe held the lighter tight in her handsand reached for her cigarette boxand went to watch TVI jumped in satisfaction with the knowledge that she was using my lighter from now onso now she knows three things about mefirst, I love to paintsecond, what my name wasthird, I was a smokerI waited for her to go to sleepthen I left to go homeI woke up the next morningand I thought of making her another meal other than spaghettiso I decided to make her a T-bone steak with mash potatoes and some special sauce my mom taught me back homeI cooked everything welland returned to her windowI realized she has washed the dishes and placed them on the table to help me serve her dinneras if she knew I would come back and go through the same trouble I did the day beforeI went inside her roomand placed the food on just her plate this timeand reached for a new white wine bottle.everything was in placethe chandeliersthe platesthe crystal glassesbut the lighter was missingso I knew she took it with her to workthen I reached into my baggot out a small silver plateI reached again in my bagand reached for a Cartier ultra light cigaretteand placed it on the small platealong with a match boxit was my indirect way to tell her to start to quit smokingthen I sneaked back outside her windowand waited for her to come homethis timeshe went directly to her roomshe didn`t even take the time to take off her coat or shoesthis time she was wearing the same coat but different clothesshe wore black trousers with thin white lines in a vertical state along with a white shirt tucked inside her trousers and the same black leathered shoesher hair was tidy tonightshe seemed to have her spirits up after last nightit was nicely ruffed up with every hair in placeshe had some gloss on her facewith pink lip gloss and little eye make upbut the blusher was the best partit showed the beauty of her cheek bones moreI just felt like jumping back inside and kissing her all over her facehow I wish I couldanywaysshe smiled when she saw the tableand quickly took off her coat and threw it on her bedshe sat and started opening the silver cover that was now only on her plateshe saw the T-bone steak and mashed potatoes topped with the secret sauce I made for hershe smiled againand noticed the small silver plate with the Cartier ultra light cigaretteshe burst into laughterI understood from her reaction that she knew what I was trying to tell hershe turned back to her plate and started eating with the fork and knifeshe then reached for the white wine bottleand pored some in her glass and mine as wellshe finished her mealthen she did what she did last nightshe reached for my glass and started smoking the cigarette I left her along with the wineshe went threw the same procedure she did last nightshe took the plates to the kitchenand then she came backplaced everything asideand started undressingI thought if I watched her doing sothat would be truly invading her propertyso I closed my eyesand from time to time I would take a peak to see if she`s doneI didn`t see muchthough I wanted tobut my heart wouldn`t allow mewatching her naked was not rightI had no right to do sofinally, she got dressed in her tight black shorts and white sleeveless topshe got ready for bedwhen she reached for the coversshe noticed the new bed sheetsshe smiled at thatand started feeling its softness with her handsshe lifted her headand I could read her lips saying: `who are you?` with a small smile on her face.again I had this feeling to jump back to her roombut I some how was able to quiet downshe then tucked herself in bedand finally turned off the lightsI watched her sleep for a while and then I went homeI woke up the next morningand cooked her another mealthis time paellathe Spanish dish with rice and stuffI waited outside the building for her to come out and leave for workthen I went to her window againand started to unpack my bagI reached for the food and placed it on the table as I was reaching for the wine and Cartier cigaretteI heard her front door unlockI panickedI quickly tried to open the window and get outbut I wasn`t that fastshe quickly ran into her roomand saw meyesshe saw mewe froze in our places for a whilewe just stood there staring at each otherthen I dropped everything and quickly jumped out of the windowI ran down the emergency stairsI reached the bus stopbut there was no time for me to wait for a busI had to move quickI noticed her getting out of the building and running towards meshe started shouting : ` waitI want talk with you!!` but I didn`t respond to herI ran to the other side of the streetshe was still running after me and she shouted the words : `Tibra, please I want talk with youwait!!`I froze at my place when I heard her call my namemy nameI was honored to have my name be pronounced from her soft lipsI then heard a car from a far moving quickly closerI turned back to her and I realized she didn`t notice the carshe was in the middle of the road nowI ran towards hershe stopped running and just kept looking at meI ran as fast as I couldit was my speed against the car`sthe car was so close nowI quickly jumped and pushed her away from the roadthe edge of the car hit my footI was in a lot of painthe car driver started yelling some Russian words which I could not understand while driving awayI just sat there beside hershe was looking it meI was in a lot of painI looked back at hershe said to me : `you ok?` and I told her I`m fine and it was just a small hitshe then remained quiet for a whileas if trying to make up a sentence in Englishthen she said : `who are you? Why you do all this?` I replied back: `it`s because I love you so much!!` I was hurting so muchI let out a small moanso she said to me: `come to hospital with me`I quickly got up and told her: `I`m fineI must go!` I started hopping on one foot to the other side of the roadand I stopped a cabI opened the doorand before I got insideI said to her : `please take care of yourself` she saw how I was having a hard time moving from the accidentso she just let me goI waited for her replybut she kept silent while looking at me in concernshe seemed like she was hurt of the way I behavedso I decided to just get in the cab and leaveas I was about to go insideI heard her shouting to me : `thank you for save mefor everything`so I just closed the door and guided the cab to go to a nearby hospital
As I reached the hospitalthey took me into the emergency roomI had an x-ray and the doctor told me that it was brokenand that I shouldn`t be out of bed for at least two weeksTWO WEEKS??.I`ve been seeing my Yulia for more than a month nowdailytwo weeks would be hell for me not to see her anymoreI just nodded to confirm that I agreed with the doctorbut I wasn`t willing to do what he told meI called my friend to take me homehe asked me what happenedI told him the whole storythe rosesthe candlelight dinnerhe said I was crazy to do all those stuffhe asked me what was her responseI told him she loved what I was doing to herhe just shook his head in disbelief and drove offwe were silent for a the whole triphe helped me to get into my apartmentand stayed for the night
I woke up the next dayI felt an enormous pain in my footI wanted to get up to cook dinner for my Yuliabut then I thought to myself `I don`t think I can do that anymorewhat if she`s there waiting to talk to me? What if she asked me to stop all this? What if the cops were waiting for me there?` noI couldn`t do that anymoreso I thought maybe I`ll just wait for her to leaveand maybe write her a notebut what should I write? My mind was on empty againI just stayed in bedthinking deeplythen my friend walked into my roomhe asked how I washe knew from the way I was staring at the wall that I had another plan in my mindso he shouted at me and said: `YOU MUST STOP THIS HARASSMENTAND MAYBE JUST GO UP TO HER AND ASK HER OUT`I replied to him: `I can`t do thatwhat if she rejects me?` `WELL THEN STOP THIS CRAPLEAVE HER THE HELL ALONELOOK WHAT SHE`S DOING TO YOU!`I turned my face away from himand pulled the cover over my facehe just got out of the room and sat to watch TVI laid there under the covers cryingI didn`t know what to dohow could I let her go? I had to get some answers nownot from my friendnot from anyoneonly from herI had to quickly write the letter and deliver itso I tried to look for my bagI didn`t find itand I instantly remembered that I left it at my Yulia`sI quickly tried to think of what it containedhmmmmy note booksome pensmy walletand my cell phonedamn itI thought to myselfmy bagwhy didn`t I reach for my bagI was so stupidnow she`s probably calling everyone I knowin order to find meso I must write this letter as soon as possibleand try to sneak it quicklyfind my bag and get outI tried to get out of bedthe pain was killing mebut I didn`t careI just reached for a pen and paper on my deskI sat on my bed and started writing the letter:

Dear Yulia,
I`m sorry I walked out on you the way I did. I know I was so rude. I was too afraid you`d tell me things I didn`t want to hear. I want this to be kept a secret between us. I want you to give me a chance to know me more. Please reply to this letter as soon as possible. I`m truly sorry. I love you!
Yours 4∞,
Tibra

I folded the letter and placed it in another bag along with some money which I keep under my bed sheets for emergenciesI got up to the bathroomthen got dressedas I was walking out the door of my apartmentmy friend stopped me `Where do you think your going young lady?` I told him I just wanted to deliver this letterhe didn`t let me pass threw the doorI tried to break freebut I was still weakand all of a suddenI couldn`t see anythingeverything turned black
LaterI woke up and found myself lying in my bedmy head hurt a lotI didn`t know what was going onmy friend told me I have faintedand that I needed more restI shouldn`t go out for at least a couple of daysuntil I get my strength backso I said to him: `could you at least put this letter under her door?` he refused to do so at the beginningso I told him I`ll be doing it myself thenafter a long argumenthe finally gave inand took the letterI gave him the addressand I told him to make sure nobody sees himhe told me not to worry about ithe left for a while to deliver my letterand then he came backI asked me what happenedhe said everything was okhe put the letter underneath her door and just leftI wish if I were there to see her reading my letterbut that was unfortunate
Three days has passedI felt almost betterso I got up and got ready to go to my Yulia`s apartmentI was still limpingbut I could walk fineI took my stick that the hospital provided for me to lean on while walkingand got out of my apartmentas I reached her apartmentI looked at the building and sighedits been three days since the last time I came hereI looked at my watchit was nearly sunsetso I quickly walked up the emergency stairsand got closer to her windowit seems like she wrote me a letter but didn`t now know how to deliver itso she taped it on her windowI opened the windowand reached for her letter from the insideI unfolded the letter and it said:

I really need to talk to you. Please wait for me. I will be home soon. Please don`t go.
- Yulia.

It took my breath awayknowing that she wrote this to meI scanned her room from her windowshe didn`t seem to be therethough it was the weekendshe was out I couldn`t refuse her requestso I waited for herthe sun soon came downit was darkI placed her letter in my chest pocketand I took out a pen and paper from my bagI wrote to her:

I`m here waiting for you outside your windowI don`t want any one to see mejust knock on the windowand I will reveal myselfI love you!
-Tibra

then I opened her window and taped it on her window from the inside with the same tape she usedthen I laid my back on the stairsI felt some aching in my footit still hurtsso I stretched itand just laid my head back and closed my eyesI seemed to have a quick napI had tothe pain was enormoussuddenly, I felt a hand touch my shoulderI jumped upand looked hard in the darkthere was a small childish giggleI looked againI saw a figurebut I could not see wellit was darkall I saw was a silhouetteand then I saw the figure getting closerunrevealing itself for memy eyes grew wider as the image became more clear

To be continued
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