hahaha dude i didn't know ur in this forum i missed ya _________________ My isolation is my course...
The effect it has on life itself is a cancer on its source...
I rue the moments spent between the fetish and the flame...
Until this war is over I won't ever lose my rage..
Зарегистрирован: 05.03.2010 Сообщения: 1 Откуда: England
Добавлено: Сб Мар 06, 2010 12:02 am Заголовок сообщения:
I'm a lesbian - and proud, but I'm proud of everything that I am, not just that part. I'm a student first, and a lesbian second. It is a part of me, just not the most important part.
I first started questioning my sexuality as a child. At school, I had this one really close friend, and naturally all the other kids started poking holes at our relationship (which was pure friendship) because we were so close. They basically called us lesbians (I had no idea what that was at the time!), but I knew all my friends were starting to feel a tingly feeling about boys and I wasn't. At the time, the band "Busted" was all the rage among pre-teen girls, and my friends immediately called dibs on all three of them at once. However, all I could think about was how I would rather just stay with my best friend, and see if we could have a romantic relationship rather than having guys in our lives. I think she was the first person outside my family that I ever loved.
Later, when I was 13, I started to go a bit further. I was always way to mature for my age and rushed my childhood so I could do some real work (I hated being 11, it was so patronising! I couldn't wait to get to big girl school). I started wondering what's wrong with homosexual relationships and why everyone I knew was so against them when I couldn't see anything wrong at all with them. I go to a christian school, so we're taught that it isn't necessarily right. My best friend (new one, my childhood friend died) is a really exreme christian, which didn't help me. I floundered around, wondering why all my friends wanted boyfriends, asking myself and them what they found attractive in boys that I couldn't see. Then, one night I was browsing Yahoo! Answers like the sad boring person I am, and I went onto the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered section out of curiosity. I made a new account under another name and submitted my story. The people on there really supported me, even though I they have never met me. I struggled to come to terms with it at first - that girls were more attractive to me than guys, and that I could never see myself in a stable, happy relationship with a guy even if I tried. When I did - after much soul searching and brooding - I accepted who I was. I was a lesbian, but that wasn't the most important thing about me. It was just another facet of the diamond I am.
At the moment, my current struggle is coming out. Like I said, I go to a christian school and my family is christian (though I'm not), so none of them are very accepting. Especially Jaz, my best friend. She freaked out when I tried to tell her. I'd set it up all nicely and normally, we were in the middle of a shopping trip that we'd been planning and everything was going fine when I asked her how she would feel if I was gay. She said, "are you?" and I replied that I was. She freaked, and screamed in the middle of the shop we were in. It was so embarassing, and I covered it up by laughing and saying it was a joke, which she bought. Never, EVER again. I have lost faith in her totally, and only time will heal the cracks in our relationship.
I don't really care what other people think of me, but I realise it's important to make sure people still accept me as a person at school and at home. I can wait until university. So, as of such, I'm not officially "out" to anyone I know in real life except a very few selected friends I've known since ever. I hope one day I'll have the courage to say to Jaz, "I'm a lesbian and I'm proud of who I am. I'm still me - I'll always be me, and nothing about who I'm attracted to affects that". _________________ xxSpring